Focused attention love and care to your children 자녀에게 집중된 관심과 사랑과 보살핌

Focused attention love and care for your children

자녀에게 집중된 관심과 사랑과 보살핌.

Focused attention love is when a mother or a father spends time with a child and recognizes that he is the most precious child in the world, while taking care of and loving that child.

It seems to be an ideal child love, but the effect of focused attention love is too great.

When one parent focuses on one child, cares for him, and pours out his parent’s love so that he can feel that he or she is the most important being in the world, he or she can feel that the child is the most precious child to parents.

When a child is alone with one parent, that child will feel comfortable, happy, and excited. The child may also feel like the best.

Every child is born with the right to protection and recognition, care and love, affection, and sympathy from parents from birth. Parents have a duty to do so. In this sense, it is difficult to become a perfect parent.

In very active and hectic life, parents set aside time and focus on one child only.

Focused attention love, which pours out love and attention and cares for only the child, is quite difficult to do often compared to loving a child through eye contact or through physical contact love.

However, Focused attention love is the most important fundamental necessity in child-rearing.

In addition, focused attention love is an essential way of loving children for all children.

Focused attention love is an extremely important child-raising method for raising children, but it is surprising to see so many parents who act as parents without knowing how to do this or how much to do so.

Nevertheless, there are many parents who learn to focused attention on love and never try to do it at least once.

I asked 150 Korean-American adults from the time they came to the United States until they turned 18, asking if they had ever had a good time with only one parent on a trip for a single day as a child or adolescent.

Three out of 150 Korean-American adults reported that they had a good time traveling with one parent in elementary and junior high school.

It was surprising that the Korean adults who participated in this survey were raised with little focused attention love and love from their parents when they were a young children.

But it was very painful to learn that the children of those adults had also grown up without receiving focused attention love from their parents.

All of our parents are unknowingly pouring out their love for their children and acting as parents.

However, our parents are not sure how much positively focused attention love affects their children’s growth and development, especially their mental and emotional health when raising their children.

They don’t even know that it is the most important means of communication between parents and children when one parent gives focused attention love and care to one child.

Photo 62. One day, my dad and I went hiking. How cool was that! He touched my shoulders, held my hands tightly, and how much fun it was! The time when he lifted me up, put it on my neck, and crossed the gutter! Sitting on a big rock, hugging me with his big arms. “I love my father.”. It was fun even if my cheeks were stabbed in his beard when he kissed me.

How happy I was when I walked with my dad, only the two of us! Dad loved me. Dad! Dad! I love Ocean Much and Mountain Much too

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

Picture 63. Inviting friends and gathering family members to have a birthday party is also a kind of focused attention love.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

Photo 64. Inviting friends and gathering family members to have a birthday party is also a kind of intensive love. He missed his mother for some reason,

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

The degree of happiness of the children and the degree to which they grow up with a sense of mental and emotional stability depend a lot on how much they are growing and developing while receiving focused attention love and care from parents.

While children are growing up, focused attention love, and care, eye contact love, physical contact love, and love training are essential for raising children.

“My parents don’t love me”, or “My parents don’t care about me.” These words are commonly used by teenage children (13-18 years old) these days.

There are many meanings in these words.

There may be complaints that my parents are not interested in me, never go anywhere with me, or play with me.

Mom and Dad often go to dinner parties, wedding parties, reunion gatherings, club activities, etc. to enjoy their own pleasure, go mountaineering, go fishing, go sports, and even travel abroad.

However, growing young children and adolescents are left at home.

Parents also go on a foreign golf trip.

Parents often eat out with someone other than their families, such as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There are no children here.

Some parents spend their time joyfully and abundantly without accompanying their children in other ways. Even when parents and children are hiking for a short period of time, the dad is walking in front of the younger child and the younger child is walking from behind, or from the side or front. Parents walk without holding young child’s hands. It is difficult to find the way parents do eye contact love and physical contact love

If may I ask you for forgiveness, I would like to share my personal experiences. In August 1991, “ Translation int Korea version of How to Really Love Your Teenager,” by Ross Campbell, MD, was published in Seomundang, Seoul.

Picture 65. Children are the number one priority in our lives. It is a priority that goes ahead of the company, over honor, and over money.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

On that day, a free seminar was held at the Daejeon YMCA under the theme of “Let’s raise your sons and daughters so much,” and a copy of Translation into Korea version of ‘How to Really Love Your Teenager’ was presented to dozens of people who attended without any charge.

On that day, I went from Daejeon to Seoul by train on the Honam Line with one of my relative sisters.

I had a brief conversation with my relative sister about raising children. The younger sister graduated in a famous women’s high school in Korea and worked for a long time at one of the famous banks in Seoul. Her character was also outstandingly beautiful.

She was a relative younger sister who was raised by her natural father of a rich family.

During a conversation with me, “Opa! In today’s seminar, you said that focused attention love, and care is so important for raising children, but I think you’re right.

When I was growing up, my dad never took me for an hour, never took me anywhere, and never gave me focused attention love, and care, and my dad never played with me for an hour at home.

At this time, I watched the tears run down her cheek.

However, my dad raised only one son who is only one in the two-generation in that family, with so much pampering and love, but my father never took him anywhere.

So I’m trying not to raise my children that way.”

At this time, more tears ran out of her eyes.

As already mentioned above, “From birth, children have the right to protection, recognition, care and focused attention love and care from their parents.

In addition, I would like to repeat the statement once again that parents have a duty to fulfill their focused attention to love and care for their children.”

Many parents these days do not give their children focused attention love and care.

Even if they try to do it again, they don’t have time to do it.

Instead of giving focused attention love and care to children, they buy lots of toys, good clothes, or substitute focusd attention love and care with material things such as computers, audio games, consoles, and cars.

In general, many parents tend to replace focused attention love, and care by sending them to special education-good schools that are difficult to do, or by sending them to study abroad early for special education.

Photo 66. Children who grow up receiving enough true unconditional love, love themselves and know how to love others with an abundance of sound healthy esteem and pride.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

Photo 67. Children who grow up receiving enough genuine, unconditional love, know to love themselves and know how to love others with a lot of sound pride.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAPOf course, children need a good education, good toys, and good food, clothing, and comfortable shelter.

Of course, parents also need leisure.

It is absolutely a big mistake for parents to substitute focused attention love and care for material things instead of giving them focused attention to love and care directly to their children.

Children, of course, need a good education, good clothes, safety home, toys, and other appropriate material things, but focused attention to love and care are absolutely necessary for them.

Today, many parents are well aware that their children grow up normally only when they give their children focused attention love, and care, but living in a society where it is difficult to do focused attention love and care is a big problem.

For one reason or another, many parents know focused attention love, and care is important for raising their children, but cannot give focused attention to love and care.

In a life of turbulence to love their children with focused attention love and care, parents must set aside time to spend time with one child.

In most cases, it takes at least hours or days to give focused attention love, and care, not just a few minutes.

But there are so many things that parents have to do other than the time that parents have to spend with one child.

If you just hear the phone ringing, you should answer the phone.

You need to clean the car and put gas in the car.

You should send flowers to your parents’ birthday and a congratulatory cake on your parents’ birthday.

You should also go to the reunion meeting.

There is so much to do. You go to church.

Therefore, parents are forced to set priorities in their busy lives.

We have to set priorities and deal with them one by one according to the priorities.

This is absolutely necessary in raising children.

It is extremely necessary not only in raising children but also in each individual’s life.

In other words, parents must start by setting priorities in their life.

Just before you start building a house, you need to start with the design you need to build it.

Priorities in our lives are different for each individual.

Therefore, no one else can set your priorities.

You have to decide for yourself.

Your priorities may differ depending on how important your spiritual life is to you.

Each person’s view of life may have different priorities depending on their view of religion.

Priorities may differ depending on the era and country in which you live.

For example, the priority of those who believe in God and live happily and successfully in this world. God, me, wife or husband, and children are the order of their priority lives.

In terms of it, there is no priority in this world that precedes children other than God, me, and a wife or husband.

During my pediatric practice career with children and adolescents, or during a seminar on “How to Love and Raise My Children”, I surveyed life priorities.

According to the results of the survey, some parents replied that they lived with priorities: “money over children,” “honor over wives,” and “children over husband”.

Fortunately, she herself is not at the top priority in her life, But my husband is and then herself, and after that, most parents answered that their children are the most important priority in their life.

How have you set priorities in your life?

In fact, in this tumultuous cyber global village, in this society, aside from all things, one parent takes only one child and spends hours or days in two groups to take care of and love their children. It is difficult to make it separately.

It takes little time for parents to love their children with eye contact love and love their children with physical contact love.

However, it takes a lot of time to give focused attention love and care, and caring. Time is gold.

We are all given equally 365 days a year, 7 days a week, and 24 hours a day.

It is not so easy for everyone to divide the given limited time and spend it as time to pay attention to and to love your child.

For one reason or another, there are too many parents who live without giving their children enough focused attention love, and care

Phto 68. There are so many things to do in our lives. We must prioritize. Money is important, and honor and job are important. But in our lives, children are at a higher priority than anything else. Only by focused attention love and care for him, they do their best and grow up with healthy self-esteem and pride.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

One day at the New York airport, a friend from Korea suddenly called me. He asked me to pick up him from New York Airport to to my house at 6 PM tomorrow. It was nice that a close friend came from Korea to the United States and visitors to our house.

Alternately with a local pediatrician, we both had an evening coverage for the emergency pediatric situation calls for almost two decades on a duty-time basis. According to the on-call schedule, I was on duty tomorrow evening.

I hung up the phone after he said, “I’ll give you an answer a little later because I was on duty tomorrow.”

Immediately afterward, I called Dr. Kelly, a pediatrician in the same neighborhood, and said, “If you take care of me for a few hours tomorrow, I will pay a considerable compensation and on the day of his covering duty for my patients for any emergency problems, I will do compensate for you accordingly”

“He can’t,” he said.

The reason was simple.

He said, “I promised a long time ago to go to the circus with my 6-year-old daughter, Carol, tomorrow afternoon.”

Dr, Kelly, a doctor who was always busy with his pediatric practice and was sorry for not being able to give focused attention love, and care to his children, thought that his little daughter Carol was more important than my own circumstances than my request, the doctor who knew better than money.

And I thought the doctor Kelly’s decision to deal with situations, including the inability to break his promise to his little daughter Carol, was very appropriate.

The Eastern Confucian ideology and precept of “govern me first, then rule over my family, and then take care government” are also applied here.

Parents can take advantage of the opportunity to focused attention love and care and have a great opportunity to better care for their children and to communicate more with them so that they can communicate more with them.

In addition, children who are loved by focused attention love and care will be excited and comfortable, so parents have to talk about the worries, anxiety, mental and physical pain that they have deep inside their hearts, and the common problem “adolescent disease” that occurs during puberty. You will have a great opportunity to inform them and your parents will listen.

During focused attention, love, and care is given parents can have the best parent-child conversation.

One of the best ways to raise children to facilitate communication with your children is this focused attention love and care.

Nevertheless, at the restaurant, not one or two, dozens of young parents spend hours eating, drinking, and having fun for hours instead of an hour or two.

Sometimes the young children in the house are receiving focused attention love and care.

He felt he is the most important priority.

I played golf with one of my sons in his first year of college.

Photo 69. Even during a busy life, taking one of several children for a walk or fishing, taking care of and loving him so that he feels that he is the most important and loveliest child in the world is called focused attention love, and care. It is difficult to do this kind of focused attention love and care often, but if you do well with focused attention love and care, eye contact love, and physical contact love properly at the same time, children will open the window of their hearts and solve their problems deep in their hearts to parents. Without hesitation, you can find out the problems that their children have, such as anxiety, pain, and conflict, and parents are very helpful in solving those problems.

Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP

While playing golf with one of my son, we talked about two people living one way or another.

My son asked me, “Which of the motives was the most successful?”

I briefly talked about some of the motives for success.

I asked my son how his relationship with his girlfriend is these days.

My son’s answer was this.

“We are not seeing any more”. When I asked why, he said, “she lied and I would not meet”.

When I asked what a lie was,

“She lied about not smoking while she was smoking,” he said.

When I asked him how he knew if she had smoked, she replied, “When I kissed, I smelled a cigarette.”

Likewise, if the dad gives focused attention love, and care to the child while playing golf alone with a young child or adolescent child who has just passed puberty, both young and adolescent children can communicate with their parents by confessing their extremely private privacy issues to their parents. It can be an opportunity to do it.

One child before puberty, or adolescent and one parent alone, walking or fishing, traveling for a day or a few days, eating at a restaurant with only one child, caring for and loving the child while amusing and loving when you do, the child will feel happy.

At this time, if one parent is with one child and gives focused attention love, and care so that the child feels the most precious in the world, loves with good eye contact, loves with proper physical contact, cares for and fills his love tank sufficiently to overflow. It would be even better.

It is even more difficult to take only one among many children and set aside time to give focused attention love and care.

Sometimes, when other children or family members go somewhere for something, and one child is alone in the house, one parent can give the child a focused attention love and care. Sometimes two parents can make focused attention to love and care for their child together.

Parents and family members can give focused attention love and care to their children by holding a birthday party on their children’s birthdays, and the method of placing a flagpole in the door saying “Welcome to you” on the day of the travel return is one kind of focused attention love. It’s one of the ways to love.

On the day of the guest’s arrival, a flagpole saying “Welcome to our house” is posted outside the door.

I think the guests who come are very fond of it.

In addition, you can deliberately find opportunities to give focused attention love, and care to your children and give them focused attention love, and care.

Photo 71. An aunt who is happy after receiving a birthday cake from one of her nephews and receiving eye contact love and focused attention love and care.

Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children also like them when they receive focused attention love, and care.

Photo 70. A mother who visited her daughter.

An elderly mother who enjoys the physical contact love and focused attention love and care she receives from her daughter. Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children all equally like it when they receive focused attention love, and care.

Photo 72. You can make focused attention love and care while celebrating a teen’s birthday.

Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children also like it when they receive focused attention love and care.

Photo 73. The grandmother will also like it.

While giving a birthday party like this, Children take care of her with focused attention love and care.

Grandmothers, mothers, adolescents, and young children also like them when they receive focused attention love and care.

Photo 74. Dad who gives focused attention love and care, and physical contact love

It is also a part of focused attention love and cares that the entire family gathers and holds a celebration party for the graduated child. In such a case, one child and one parent do not get along with each other, but it is an example of focused attention love, and care given by the whole family.

In puberty, adolescent children often make plans for what to do as they do, so parents cannot support them even if they want to give their adolescent focused attention love, and care.

Parents sometimes make plans to give their adolescent children focused attention, caring love.

However, they may reject the opportunities that parents have planned to give them focused attention love, and care.

There are many personal things that adolescent children have to do personally, not because they hate to receive focused attention love, and care from their parents, and not all parents know about.

Even adolescent children have to prioritize and live their lives.

That’s why they can’t always receive the focused attention love and care their parents want to do, and sometimes they can’t spend time leisurely with their parents.

In this world, there are parents who have never been able to give such important focused attention love, and care in raising their children, and there are also children who have never received such love.

Where can children who grow up without receiving this kind of focused attention love and care that they basically need to find that love?

They can get it from people who promise to give them that kind of love instead of my parents.

There are many people around our children who promise to give such focused attention love and care instead of their parents.

How scary and chilling my heart is when I think that my dear child can be dragged into their hands one day without my permission.

Young infants, including adolescents, and school-age children find and want more than money, more than honor, more than anything else, their parents’ warm-hearted contact love, appropriate physical contact love, and focused attention love, and care.

And besides, it is the training of parents to do with true unconditional love.

See “Focused attention Love and care” in “How Do I Love and Raise My Children?” and “Love.

자녀에게 집중된 관심 사랑, 보살핌
자녀에게 집중된 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 주는 보살핌.

집중된 관심이란 부모가 자녀와 시간을 보내면서 그 아이가 세상에서 가장 소중한 존재임을 인식하고, 그 아이를 돌보고 사랑하는 것을 말합니다.
이상적인 자녀 사랑의 모습처럼 보이지만, 집중된 관심이란 그 효과가 매우 큽니다.
한쪽 부모가 한 아이에게 집중하고, 돌보고, 부모의 사랑을 쏟아부어 아이가 세상에서 가장 중요한 존재임을 느끼게 해준다면, 아이는 부모에게 가장 소중한 존재라는 것을 느끼게 됩니다.
아이가 한쪽 부모와 단둘이 있을 때, 아이는 편안하고 행복하며 신이 납니다. 자신이 세상에서 가장 좋은 존재라고 느낄 수도 있습니다.
모든 아이는 태어날 때부터 부모로부터 보호와 인정, 보살핌과 사랑, 애정과 공감을 받을 권리를 가지고 있습니다. 부모는 이러한 권리를 지켜줄 의무가 있습니다. 이러한 점에서 완벽한 부모가 되는 것은 어렵습니다.

매우 바쁘고 정신없는 삶 속에서 부모는 오직 한 아이에게만 시간과 관심을 쏟습니다.
눈맞춤이나 신체 접촉을 통한 사랑보다 오직 아이에게만 사랑과 관심, 보살핌을 쏟아붓는 집중적인 사랑은 실천하기가 훨씬 더 어렵습니다.
하지만 집중적인 사랑은 자녀 양육에 있어 가장 중요하고 기본적인 요소입니다.
더 나아가, 모든 아이에게 사랑을 베푸는 필수적인 방법이기도 합니다.
집중적인 사랑은 아이를 키우는 데 있어 매우 중요한 양육 방식이지만, 놀랍게도 많은 부모들이 어떻게 해야 하는지, 얼마나 해야 하는지조차 모른 채 부모 역할을 하고 있습니다.
그럼에도 불구하고, 집중적인 사랑이 무엇인지 배우기만 하고 한 번도 시도해 보지 않는 부모들도 많습니다.
저는 미국에 온 시점부터 18세가 될 때까지의 한국계 미국인 성인 150명을 대상으로, 어린 시절이나 청소년기에 부모 중 한 명과 단 하루 동안 여행을 가서 좋은 시간을 보낸 적이 있는지 물어보았습니다.

한국계 미국인 성인 150명 중 3명만이 초등학교와 중학교 시절 한쪽 부모와 함께 여행했던 경험이 좋았다고 답했습니다.
이 설문조사에 참여한 한국 성인들이 어린 시절 부모로부터 충분한 관심과 사랑을 받지 못하고 자랐다는 사실은 놀라웠습니다.
하지만 더 안타까운 것은 그 성인들의 자녀들 또한 부모로부터 충분한 관심과 사랑을 받지 못하고 자랐다는 점입니다.
우리 부모들은 무의식적으로 자녀들에게 사랑을 쏟아붓고 부모 역할을 하고 있습니다.
그러나 부모들은 자녀 양육 과정에서 받는 긍정적인 관심과 사랑이 자녀의 성장과 발달, 특히 정신적, 정서적 건강에 얼마나 큰 영향을 미치는지 제대로 알지 못하는 경우가 많습니다.
심지어 한쪽 부모가 자녀에게 집중적인 관심과 사랑과 보살핌을 주는 것이 부모와 자녀 사이의 가장 중요한 소통 방식이라는 사실조차 모르는 부모들도 있습니다.

사진 62. 어느 날 아빠와 함께 등산을 갔어요. 정말 멋졌죠! 아빠가 제 어깨를 토닥여주고, 손을 꼭 잡아주셨는데, 정말 즐거웠어요! 아빠가 나를 번쩍 들어 올려 목에 걸고 도랑을 건너던 때! 커다란 바위에 앉아 두 팔로 나를 꼭 안아주던 때. “아빠 사랑해요.” 아빠가 뽀뽀해 주실 때 볼이 아빠 수염에 파묻혀도 너무 재밌었어요.

아빠랑 둘이서만 걸을 때 얼마나 행복했는지! 아빠는 나를 사랑해 주셨어요. 아빠! 아빠! 바다도, 산도 모두 너무 사랑해요.

저와 대화를 나누던 중, 그녀가 이렇게 말했습니다. “선생님! 오늘 세미나에서 아이를 양육할 때 부모의 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 그리고 보살핌이 얼마나 중요한지 말씀해 주셨는데, 정말 옳은 말씀인 것 같습니다.
제가 어릴 적, 아버지는 저를 데리고 단 한 시간도 외출하신 적이 없었고, 어디에도 데려가 주지 않으셨으며, 제게 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 주신 적도 없었습니다. 또한 집에서 저와 함께 한 시간이라도 놀아주신 적이 단 한 번도 없었죠.”
그 말을 할 때, 저는 그녀의 뺨을 타고 눈물이 흘러내리는 것을 보았습니다.
“하지만 아버지는 그 집안의 2대(二代)를 통틀어 유일한 남자아이였던 제 남동생만큼은 온갖 응석을 다 받아주며 지극히 사랑으로 키우셨습니다. 그렇지만 그 남동생조차도 아버지는 어디에도 데리고 다니지 않으셨죠.
그래서 저는 제 아이들만큼은 그런 식으로 키우지 않으려고 노력하고 있습니다.”
그 말을 잇는 순간, 그녀의 눈에서 더 많은 눈물이 흘러나왔습니다.
앞서 이미 언급했듯이, “아이들은 태어나는 순간부터 부모로부터 보호와 인정, 보살핌, 그리고 집중적인 관심과 사랑을 받을 권리가 있습니다.
또한, 부모에게는 아이들에게 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 베풀어야 할 의무가 있다는 사실을 다시 한번 강조하고 싶습니다.”
요즘 많은 부모는 아이들에게 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 주지 못하고 있습니다.
설령 그렇게 하려고 마음먹는다 해도, 정작 그럴 시간이 없습니다.
아이들에게 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 주는 대신, 부모들은 수많은 장난감이나 좋은 옷을 사주거나, 혹은 컴퓨터, 비디오 게임, 게임기, 자동차 같은 물질적인 것들로 집중적인 관심과 사랑을 대체하려 합니다.
일반적으로 많은 부모는 아이들을 입학하기 어려운 명문 학교나 특수 교육 기관에 보내거나, 조기 유학을 보내는 방식으로 집중적인 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 대신하려는 경향이 있습니다.

사진 66. 충분하고 진정한 무조건적 사랑을 받으며 자란 아이들은 스스로를 사랑할 줄 알며, 건전하고 건강한 자존감과 자부심을 바탕으로 타인을 사랑하는 법을 알고 있습니다.

물론 아이들에게는 훌륭한 교육, 좋은 장난감, 그리고 좋은 음식과 의류, 안락한 주거 환경이 필요합니다.
물론 부모에게도 여가 시간이 필요합니다.
부모가 아이들에게 직접적으로 집중된 사랑과 보살핌을 주는 대신, 물질적인 것들로 그 사랑과 보살핌을 대체하려 하는 것은 명백히 큰 실수입니다.
물론 아이들에게는 훌륭한 교육, 좋은 옷, 안전한 보금자리, 장난감, 그리고 그 외 적절한 물질적 요소들이 필요합니다. 하지만 아이들에게는 무엇보다도 집중된 사랑과 보살핌이 절대적으로 필요합니다.
오늘날 많은 부모는 아이들에게 집중된 사랑과 보살핌을 줄 때 비로소 아이들이 정상적으로 성장한다는 사실을 잘 알고 있습니다. 하지만 그러한 집중된 사랑과 보살핌을 실천하기 어려운 사회 환경 속에서 살아가고 있다는 점이 바로 큰 문제입니다.
이러저러한 이유로, 많은 부모가 자녀 양육에 있어 집중된 사랑과 보살핌이 얼마나 중요한지 잘 알고 있으면서도, 정작 아이들에게 그러한 사랑과 보살핌을 온전히 쏟아주지 못하고 있습니다.
혼란스럽고 바쁜 일상 속에서도 아이들에게 집중된 사랑과 보살핌을 전하기 위해, 부모는 반드시 아이 한 명 한 명과 함께 보낼 수 있는 시간을 따로 마련해야 합니다.
대부분의 경우, 아이에게 집중된 사랑과 보살핌을 주기 위해서는 단 몇 분이 아니라, 적어도 몇 시간 혹은 며칠에 걸친 시간이 필요합니다.
하지만 부모에게는 아이와 함께 보내는 시간 외에도 처리해야 할 일들이 너무나도 많습니다.
전화벨이 울리면 전화를 받아야 하고,
자동차를 세차하고 주유도 해야 합니다.
부모님의 생신에는 꽃과 축하 케이크를 보내드려야 하며,
각종 모임이나 동창회에도 참석해야 합니다.
해야 할 일이 정말이지 산더미 같습니다. 교회에도 가야 하고요.
따라서 부모는 바쁜 일상 속에서 어쩔 수 없이 일의 우선순위를 정해야만 합니다.
우리는 우선순위를 설정하고, 그 순서에 따라 하나씩 차근차근 처리해 나가야 합니다.
이는 자녀를 양육하는 과정에서 절대적으로 필요한 일입니다.
이는 비단 자녀 양육뿐만 아니라, 우리 각자의 삶을 살아가는 데 있어서도 지극히 필요한 과정입니다.
다시 말해, 부모는 자신의 삶에 있어 우선순위를 정하는 일부터 시작해야 한다는 뜻입니다.
마치 집을 짓기 직전에, 먼저 그 집을 짓기 위한 설계 도면을 준비하는 일부터 시작해야 하는 것과 같습니다.
우리 삶의 우선순위는 사람마다 각기 다릅니다. 따라서 그 누구도 당신의 우선순위를 대신 정해줄 수는 없습니다.
당신 스스로 결정해야만 합니다.
당신의 우선순위는 영적 삶을 얼마나 중요하게 여기느냐에 따라 달라질 수 있습니다.
각자의 인생관은 종교관에 따라 서로 다른 우선순위를 갖게 될 수도 있습니다.
또한 우선순위는 당신이 살고 있는 시대와 국가에 따라서도 달라질 수 있습니다.
예를 들어, 하나님을 믿으며 이 세상에서 행복하고 성공적인 삶을 살아가는 이들의 우선순위는 다음과 같습니다. 바로 하나님, 자신, 배우자(아내 또는 남편), 그리고 자녀가 그들이 살아가는 삶의 우선순위 순서입니다.

ㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷ
이와 관련하여, 이 세상에서 하느님과 ‘나’ 자신, 그리고 배우자(아내 또는 남편)를 제외하고는 자녀보다 앞서는 우선순위란 없습니다.
제가 소아청소년과 의사로서 아이들과 청소년들을 진료하던 시절이나, ‘내 아이를 사랑하고 키우는 법’에 관한 세미나를 진행할 때, 저는 삶의 우선순위에 대한 설문조사를 실시한 적이 있습니다.
그 설문조사 결과에 따르면, 일부 부모님들은 “자녀보다 돈”, “아내보다 명예”, 그리고 “남편보다 자녀”를 우선순위에 두고 살아가고 있다고 응답했습니다.
다행스럽게도, 대부분의 부모님들은 자신의 삶에서 ‘자기 자신’을 최우선 순위에 두지는 않았습니다. 오히려 배우자(남편)를 최우선으로 꼽았고, 그다음으로 자기 자신을 두었으며, 그 뒤를 이어 자녀를 삶의 가장 중요한 우선순위로 꼽는다는 응답이 가장 많았습니다.
여러분은 자신의 삶에서 우선순위를 어떻게 설정하고 계십니까?
사실, 이 혼란스러운 사이버 지구촌 사회에서, 다른 모든 것을 제쳐두고 오직 한 아이에게만 집중하여 돌보고 사랑하기 위해 몇 시간, 혹은 며칠을 온전히 할애한다는 것은 결코 쉬운 일이 아닙니다. 다른 일과 분리하여 따로 시간을 내기가 참으로 어렵기 때문입니다.
부모가 자녀와 눈을 맞추며 사랑을 전하거나, 신체적인 접촉을 통해 사랑을 표현하는 데는 그리 많은 시간이 소요되지 않습니다.
하지만 자녀에게 온전한 관심과 사랑, 그리고 보살핌을 집중하여 쏟아붓는 데는 실로 많은 시간이 필요합니다. 시간은 금(金)과 같습니다.
우리 모두에게는 1년 365일, 일주일 7일, 하루 24시간이라는 시간이 똑같이 주어집니다.
하지만 이렇게 주어진 한정된 시간을 쪼개어, 오직 자녀에게 관심을 쏟고 사랑을 베푸는 데 온전히 할애한다는 것은 누구에게나 그리 쉬운 일이 아닙니다.
이런저런 이유로, 자녀에게 충분한 관심과 사랑, 그리고 보살핌을 집중하여 주지 못한 채 살아가는 부모님들이 너무나도 많습니다.

사진 68. 우리 삶에는 해야 할 일이 참으로 많습니다. 우리는 우선순위를 정해야만 합니다. 돈도 중요하고, 명예나 직업 또한 중요합니다. 하지만 우리 삶에서 자녀는 그 무엇보다도 높은 우선순위를 차지해야 합니다. 오직 부모의 온전한 관심과 사랑, 그리고 보살핌을 받을 때 비로소 아이들은 자신의 역량을 최대한 발휘하며, 건강한 자존감과 자부심을 지닌 아이로 성장할 수 있습니다.

어느 날, 뉴욕 공항에 머물고 있던 제게 한국에 있는 친구 한 명이 갑작스럽게 전화를 걸어왔습니다. 친구는 내일 저녁 6시에 뉴욕 공항으로 마중을 나와 자신의 집까지 태워다 달라고 부탁했습니다. 가까운 친구가 한국에서 미국으로 건너와 우리 집을 방문해 준 것은 참으로 반가운 일이었다.
나는 지역 소아과 의사 한 분과 교대로, 거의 20년 동안 당직 체제로 운영되는 소아 응급 상황 호출 업무를 저녁 시간대에 담당해 왔다. 당직 일정에 따르면, 바로 내일 저녁이 내 당직 차례였다.
그 친구가 “내일 저녁에 내가 당직이라서, 조금 이따가 답을 줄게”라고 말한 뒤 나는 전화를 끊었다.
전화를 끊자마자 나는 같은 동네에서 소아과를 운영하는 켈리 박사에게 전화를 걸어 이렇게 말했다. “내일 몇 시간만 저 대신 당직을 맡아주신다면, 상당한 보상을 해드리겠습니다. 또한 켈리 박사님의 당직 날에 박사님의 환자들에게 응급 문제가 발생한다면, 저 또한 그에 상응하는 보상으로 도움을 드리겠습니다.”
“그럴 수 없습니다,” 그가 말했다.
그 이유는 간단했다.
그는 이렇게 말했다. “오래전에 여섯 살 난 딸 캐롤과 내일 오후에 서커스장에 가기로 약속했거든요.”
소아과 진료로 늘 바빠서 자녀들에게 온전한 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 주지 못하는 것을 늘 미안해하던 켈리 박사는, 돈보다 더 소중한 가치를 아는 의사였기에 나의 사정이나 부탁보다 어린 딸 캐롤이 훨씬 더 중요하다고 생각했던 것이다.
그리고 나는 어린 딸 캐롤과의 약속을 저버릴 수 없다는 점을 포함하여, 상황을 대처하는 켈리 박사의 결정이 매우 적절하다고 생각했다.
동양의 유교 사상과 가르침인 ‘수신제가치국평천하(먼저 자신을 닦고, 가정을 다스린 뒤에야 나라를 다스린다)’라는 원리가 바로 이 지점에도 적용되는 셈이다.
부모는 자녀에게 온전한 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 쏟을 수 있는 이 기회를 활용하여, 자녀를 더 잘 보살피고 그들과 더 깊이 소통할 수 있는 훌륭한 기회를 얻게 된다.
게다가 부모의 온전한 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 받은 아이들은 마음이 들뜨고 편안해지므로, 부모는 아이들 마음속 깊은 곳에 자리 잡은 걱정과 불안, 심리적·신체적 고통에 대해, 그리고 사춘기 시절 흔히 겪게 되는 ‘사춘기 특유의 문제들’에 대해 아이들과 이야기를 나눌 수 있게 된다. 아이들은 부모에게 자신의 속마음을 털어놓을 훌륭한 기회를 얻게 되고, 부모는 이를 경청해 줄 수 있게 되는 것이다.
부모가 자녀에게 온전한 관심과 사랑, 보살핌을 쏟는 바로 그 순간이야말로, 부모와 자녀가 나눌 수 있는 가장 훌륭한 대화의 시간이 된다.

이하 생략