Focused attention love and care to your children 자녀들을 집중적으로 관심을 갖고 사랑해준다
Focused attention love is when a mother or a father spends time with one of the children and recognizes that he or she is the most precious child in the world while taking care of and loving that child.
It seems to be an ideal child love, and is also the effect of focused attention love is too great.
When one parent focuses on one child, cares for him, and pours out his parent’s love so that he or she can feel that he or she is the most important human being in the world, he or she can feel that the child is the most precious child to parents.
When a child is alone with one parent, the child will feel comfortable, happy, and excited. The child may also feel like the best.
Every child is born with the right to be protected and recognized, cares for and loved, affectionated, and sympathized from parents from birth. Parents have a duty to do so. In this sense, it is difficult to become a perfect parent.
In a very active and hectic life, parents set aside time and focus on one child only.
Focused attention love, which pours out love and attention and cares for only a child, is quite difficult to do often compared to loving a child through eye contact or through physical contact love.
However, Focused attention love is the most important fundamental necessity in child-rearing.
In addition, focused attention love is an essential way of loving children for all children.
Focused attention love is an extremely important child-raising method for raising children, but it is surprising to see so many parents who act as parents without knowing how to do this or how much to do so.
Nevertheless, there are many parents who learn to focused attention on love and never try to do it even at least once.
I asked 150 Korean-American adults if they had ever had a good time with only one parent on a trip for a single day as a child or adolescent.
Three out of 150 Korean-American adults reported that they had a good time traveling with one parent in elementary and junior high school.
It was surprising that the Korean adults who participated in this survey were raised with little focused attention love and care from their parents when they were young children.
But it was very painful to learn that the children of those adults had also grown up without receiving focused attention love from their parents.
All of our parents are unknowingly pouring out their love for their children and acting as parents.
However, our parents are not sure how much positively focused attention love affects their children’s growth and development, especially their mental and emotional health when raising their children.
They don’t even know that it is the most important means of communication between parents and children when one parent gives focused attention love and care to one child at a time.
Photo 62. “One day, my dad and I went hiking. How cool was that! He touched my shoulders, held my hands tightly, and how much fun it was! The time when he lifted me up, put me on my neck, and crossed the gutter! Sitting on a big rock, hugging me with his big arms. I love my father. It was fun even if my cheeks were stabbed in his beard when he kissed me.
How happy I was when I walked with my dad only both! Dad loved me. Dad! Dad! I love Ocean Much and Mountain Much too”.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Picture 63. Inviting friends and gathering family members to have a birthday party is also one kind of focused attention love.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 64. Inviting friends and gathering family members to have a birthday party is also one kind of focused attention love. He missed his mother for some reason,
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
The degree of happiness of the children and the degree to which they grow up with a sense of mental and emotional stability depend a lot on how much they are growing and developing while receiving focused attention love and care from parents.
While children are growing up, focused attention love, and care, eye contact love, physical contact love, and love training are essential for raising children.
“My parents don’t love me”, or “My parents don’t care about me.” These words are commonly used by teenage children (13-18 years old) these days.
There are many meanings in these words.
There may be complaints that my parents are not interested in me, never go anywhere with me, or play with me.
Mom and Dad often go to dinner parties, wedding parties, reunion gatherings, club activities, etc. to enjoy their own pleasure, go mountaineering, go fishing, go sports, and even travel abroad.
However, growing young children and adolescents are left at home.
Parents also go on a foreign golf trip.
Parents often eat out with someone other than their families, such as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There are no children here.
Some parents spend their time joyfully and abundantly without accompanying their children in other ways. Even when parents and children are hiking for a short period of time, the dad is walking in front of the younger child and the younger child is walking from behind, or from the side or front. Parents walk without holding their young child’s hands. It is difficult to find the way parents do eye contact love and physical contact love
If may I ask you for forgiveness, I would like to share my personal experiences. In August 1991, “ Translation int Korea version of How to Really Love Your Teenager,” by Ross Campbell, MD, was published in Seomundang, Seoul, Korea
Picture 65. Children are the number one priority in our lives. It is a priority that goes ahead of the company, over the honor, and over money.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
On that day, a free seminar was given by me at the Daejeon YMCA under the theme of “Let’s raise your sons and daughters with unconditional love,” and a copy of Translation into Korea version of ‘How to Really Love Your Teenager’ was presented to 3 dozens of people who attended without any charge.
After Seminar On that day, I went from Daejeon to Seoul by train on the Honam Line with one of my relative sisters.
I had a brief conversation with my relative sister about raising children. The younger sister graduated in one of the famous women’s high schools in Korea and worked for a long time at one of the famous banks in Seoul. Her character was also outstandingly beautiful.
She was a relative younger sister who was raised by her natural father of a rich family.
During a conversation with me, “Opa! In today’s seminar, you said that focused attention love and care is so important for raising children, but I think you’re right.
When I was growing up, my dad never took me for even an hour, never took me anywhere, and never gave me focused attention love, and care, and my dad never played with me for an hour at home.
At this time, I watched the tears run down her cheek.
However, my dad raised only one son who was only one son in the two-generation in that family, with so much pampering and love, but my father never took him anywhere.
So I’m trying not to raise my children in that way.”
At this time, more tears ran out of her eyes.
As already mentioned above, “From birth, children have the right to have protection, recognition, care and focused attention love and care from their parents.
In addition, I would like to repeat the statement once again that parents have a duty to fulfill their focused attention love, and care for their children.”
Many parents these days do not give their children focused attention love and care.
Even if they try to do it again, they don’t have time to do it.
Instead of giving focused attention love and care to children, they buy lots of toys, good clothes, or substitute focused attention love, and care with material things such as computers, audio games, consoles, and cars.
In general, many parents tend to replace focused attention love and care by sending them to special education-good schools that are difficult to do, or by sending them to study abroad at an early age for special education.
Photo 66. Children who grow up receiving enough true unconditional love. They love themselves and know how to love others with an abundance of sound healthy self-esteem and pride.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 67. Children who grow up receiving enough genuine, unconditional love, know to love themselves and know how to love others with a lot of sound pride.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Of course, children need a good education, good toys, and good food, clothing, and comfortable shelter.
Of course, parents also need leisure.
It is absolutely a big mistake for parents to substitute focused attention love and care for material things instead of giving them focused attention to love and care directly to their children.
Children, of course, need a good education, good clothes, safety home, toys, and other appropriate material things, but focused attention love and care are absolutely necessary for them.
Today, many parents are well aware that their children grow up normally only when they give their children focused attention love, and care, but living in a society where it is difficult to do focused attention love and care is a big problem.
For one reason or another, many parents know focused attention love, and care is important for raising their children, but cannot give focused attention to love and care.
In a life of turbulence to love their children with focused attention love and care, parents must set aside time to spend time with one child as mentioned already.
In most cases, it takes at least hours or days to give focused attention love, and care, not just a few minutes.
But there are so many things that parents have to do other than the time that parents have to spend with one child.
If you just hear the phone ringing, you should answer the phone.
You need to clean the car and put gas in the car.
You should send flowers to your parents’ birthday and a congratulatory cake on your parents’ birthday.
You should also go to the reunion meeting.
There is so much to do. You go to church.
Therefore, parents are forced to set priorities in their busy lives.
We have to set priorities and deal with them one by one according to the priorities.
This is absolutely necessary for raising children.
It is extremely necessary not only in raising children but also in each individual’s life.
In other words, parents must start by setting priorities in their life.
Just before you start building a house, you need to start with the design you need to build it.
Priorities in our lives are different for each individual.
Therefore, no one else can set your priorities.
You have to decide for yourself.
Your priorities may differ depending on how important your spiritual life is to you.
Each person’s view of life may have different priorities depending on their view of religion.
Priorities may differ depending on the era and country in which you live.
For example, the priority of those who believe in God and live happily and successfully in this world. God, me, wife or husband, and children are the order of their priority lives.
In terms of it, there is no priority in this world that precedes children other than God, me, and a wife or husband.
During my pediatric practice for children and adolescents, I have surveyed on the subject of “How to Love and Raise your Children and what is your life priorities.
According to the results of the survey, some parents replied that they lived with priorities such as “money over children,” “honor over wives,” and “children over husband”.
Fortunately, she herself is not at the top priority in her life, But her husband is next and then herself, and after that, most parents answered that their children are the most important priority in their life.
How have you set priorities in your life?
In fact, in this tumultuous cyber global village, in this society, aside from all things, one parent takes only one child and spends hours or days in two together to take care of and love their children. It is difficult to make it.
It takes little time for parents to love their children with eye contact love and physical contact love.
However, it takes a lot of time to give focused attention love, and care. Time is gold.
We are all given equally 365 days a year, 7 days a week, and 24 hours a day.
It is not so easy for everyone to divide the given limited time and spend it as a time to pay attention to and to love your child.
For one reason or another, there are too many parents who live without giving their children enough focused attention love, and care.
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Photo 68. There are so many things to do in our lives. We must prioritize. Money is important, and honor and job are important. But in our lives, children are at a higher priority than anything else. Only by focused attention love and care for him, they do their best and grow up with healthy self-esteem and pride.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
One day at the New York Airport, a friend from Korea suddenly telephone called me. He asked me to pick up him from New York Airport at my house at 6 p.m. tomorrow. It was nice that a close friend came from Korea to the United States and visitors to our house.
Local pediatricians in this town and I both have had an evening coverage for the emergency pediatric calls for almost two decades on an on-call basis. According to the on-call schedule, I was on duty tomorrow evening.
I hung up the phone after we talked a little while, “I’ll give you an answer a little later because I will be on call tomorrow.”
Immediately afterward, I called Dr. Kelly, one of the pediatricians, and I begged him and said to him, “If you take the on-call for me for a few hours tomorrow, I will pay a considerable compensation and also I will take the on-call for when you need later, and I will do compensate for you accordingly”
“He can’t,” he said.
The reason was simple.
He said to me, “I promised a long time ago to go to the circus with my 6-year-old daughter, Carol, tomorrow afternoon.”
Dr, Kelly, a doctor who was always busy with his pediatric practice and said that “I am sorry for not being able to help you because I have to take care of his children.” He thought that his little daughter Carol was more important than my circumstances and my request. He knew his daughter is more important than money.
And I thought doctor Kelly’s decision to deal with this situation, including the inability to break his promise to his little daughter Carol, was very appropriate.
The Eastern Confucian ideology and precept of “govern me first, then rule over my family, and then take care government” are also applied here.
Parents can take advantage of the opportunity to focused attention love and care and have a great opportunity to better care for their children and to communicate more with them so that they can communicate more with children.
In addition, children who are loved by focused attention love and care will be excited and comfortable, so parents have to talk about the worries, anxiety, mental and physical pain that children have deep inside their hearts, and the common problem “adolescent disease” that occurs during puberty. You will have a great opportunity to inform them and your parents will listen.
During focused attention love and care are given parents can have the best parent-child conversation.
One of the best ways to raise children to facilitate communication with your children is this focused attention love and care.
Nevertheless, at the restaurant, not one or two, dozens of young parents spend hours eating, drinking, and having fun without children.
Sometimes the young children in the house are able to receive focused attention love and care.
and children felt they are the most important priority.
I used to play golf with one of my sons when was in his first year of college.
Photo 69. Even during a busy life, taking only one of several children for walking or fishing, taking care of and loving him so that he feels that he is the most important and loveliest child in the world is called focused attention love, and care.
It is difficult to do this kind of focused attention love and care often, but if you do well with focused attention love and care, eye contact love, and physical contact love properly at the same time, children will open the psychological window of their hearts and solve their problems deep in their hearts to parents.
Without hesitation, you can find out the problems that their children have, such as anxiety, pain, and conflict, and parents are very helpful in solving those problems.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
While playing golf with one of my sons, we talked about the people living one way or another.
My son asked me, “Which of the motives was the most successful?”
I briefly talked about some of the motives for success.
I asked my son how his relationship with his girlfriend is these days.
My son’s answer was this.
“We are not seeing any more”. When I asked why, he said, “she lied and I would not meet”.
When I asked what a lie was,
“She lied about not smoking while she was smoking,” he said.
When I asked him how he knew if she had smoked, he replied, “When I kissed, I smelled a cigarette.”
Likewise, if a dad gives focused attention love, and care to a child while playing golf together with a young child or an adolescent child who has just passed puberty, both young child and adolescent child can communicate with hisr parent by confessing their extremely private privacy issues to their parent. It can be an opportunity to do it.
One child before puberty, or an adolescent and one parent together, walking or fishing, traveling for a day or a few days, eating at a restaurant with only one child, caring for and loving the child while amusing and loving when you do, the child will feel happy.
At this time, if one parent is with one child and gives focused attention love, and care so that the child feels the most precious in the world, loves with good eye contact, loves with proper physical contact, cares for and fills his love tank sufficiently to overflow. It would be even better.
It is even more difficult to take only one among many children and set aside time to give focused attention love and care.
Sometimes, when other children or family members go somewhere for something, and one child is alone in the house, one parent can give the child-focused attention love, and care. Sometimes two parents can make focused attention to love and care for their child together.
Parents and family members can give focused attention love and care to their children by holding a birthday party on their children’s birthdays, and the method of placing a flagpole near the entrance of the house door saying “Welcome you” on the returning day from the travel return is one kind of focused attention love. It’s one of the ways to love.
On the day of the guest’s arrival, a flagpole saying “Welcome you, Dr. John Lee to our house” is posted outside the entrance door.
I think the guests who come are very fond of it.
I give them focused attention love, and care. in addition, you can deliberately find opportunities to give focused attention love and care to your children and
Photo 71. An aunt who is happy after receiving a birthday cake from one of her nephews and receiving eye contact love and focused attention love and care.
Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children also like them when they receive focused attention love and care.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 70. A mother who visited her daughter.
An elderly mother who enjoys the physical contact love and focused attention love and care she receives from her daughter. Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children all equally like it when they receive focused attention love, and care.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 72. You can make focused attention love and care while celebrating a teen’s birthday.
Grandmothers, mothers, adolescent children, and young children also like it when they receive focused attention love and care.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 73. The grandmother will also like it.
While giving a birthday party like this, Children take care of her with focused attention love and care.
Grandmothers, mothers, adolescents, and young children also like them when they receive focused attention love and care.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 74. Dad who gives focused attention love and care, and physical contact love
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
It is also a part of focused attention love and cares that the entire family gathers and holds a celebration party for the graduated child. In such a case, not only one child and one parent, but the whole family can give focused attention love, and care to only one child for his birthday.
In puberty, adolescent children often make plans for what to do as they do, so parents cannot support them even if they want to give their adolescent focused attention love, and care.
Parents sometimes make plans to give their adolescent children focused attention, caring love.
However, a child may reject the opportunities that a parent has planned to give them focused attention love, and care.
There are many personal things that adolescent children have to do personally, not because they hate to receive focused attention love, and care from their parents, and not all parents know about it.
Even adolescent children have to prioritize and live their lives.
That’s why they can’t always receive the focused attention love and care their parents want to do, and sometimes they can’t spend time leisurely with their parents.
In this world, there are many parents who have never been able to give such important focused attention love and care in raising their children, and there are also children who have never received such love.
Where can children receive this kind of focused attention love and care that they basically need?
They can get it from people who promise to give them that kind of love instead of my parents.
There are many people around our children who promise to give such focused attention love and care instead of their parents.
How scary and chilling my heart is when I think that my dear child can be dragged into their hands one day without my permission.
Young infants, including adolescents, and school-age children find and want more than money, more than honor, more than anything else, their parents’ warm-hearted contact love, appropriate physical contact love, and focused attention love, and care.
And besides, it is the training of parents to do with true unconditional love.
See “Focused attention Love and care” in “How Do I Love and Raise My Children?” and “Love.
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