Train your children not to lie 자녀에게 거짓말을 하지 않도록 훈련시키십시오

 

Train your children not to lie 자녀에게 거짓말을 하지 않도록 훈련시키십시오

Are lies really bad?

Can we live without lying?

Are people who lie a little better morally and ethically than people who lie a lot?

Can we determine the severity of a lie by measuring the degree of a lie with a ruler or weighing it with a scale?

The Greek Diogenes in the 4th century BC lit a lamp in broad daylight throughout his life to look for honest people, but he couldn’t find any truly honest people.

Saint Socrates disappeared from the death penalty for the “sin” of teaching young people how to live truthfully. Honesty could have a negative effect on children and young people of that era (Source: Love each other by Leo Busgaglio p.75).

According to a 1969 US Times study, 6 out of 10 Americans said they could lie when needed.

Then, how do our parents view their children’s lies?

Everybody will agree that our lives should be based on honesty.

We must teach our children to live honestly and train them to live honestly.

What is a lie?

Words made to deceive others are called lies.

The age to discern between lies and true words

Most infants and toddlers before the age of 4 years-old usually act and speak based on how much their parents like or dislike their actions and words.

Infants and young children before the age of 4 years old considered they are behaving or saying correctly if their mother or father likes what they did or said and acknowledge what they said or did, even though they did not do right.

Also, if the mother or father does not like and does not approve of their words and actions, even if they acted right and spoke correctly, they may think that their words and actions are wrong.

In this way, depending on whether or not they are satisfied with their words and actions, they usually talk and act for their parents.

Immediately before entering elementary school, most of the children begin to clearly discern what “true” means, what “false” means, and what “true” and “lie” mean.

For this reason, it is common that most children after the age of 5 years old are not to really lie.

18.2% of 6-years-old school-age children know that the fiction and the facts are different.

Most of the 9-years-old school-age children have the ability to discern fictional and factual stories.

When school-age children begin to realize that there is a difference between fact and falsehood, they also begin to understand the meaning of lies.

Most 7-years-old school-age children can feel guilty for lying. And they worry that they will be punished because they lied, and they think that they have sinned because they lied. They also worry that God will punish them, and sometimes they pray to God for forgiveness.

Most of the early adolescent children between the ages of 10 and 11 years-old think it is very important to live honestly. They begin to perceive that lying is bad.

Most infants before the age of 3 years-old cannot accurately understand the meaning of the opposite words, such as big and small, many and few, cold and hot.

In addition, it is common to not accurately discern the meaning of honesty or falsehood.

Infants and toddlers before the age of 3 years old are more often speaking without knowing the meaning of the words they are using.

Because of that, they often stop speaking without knowing whether they are lying or telling the truth.

Sometimes they make up their words fantastically without their knowledge, or they make up lies by exaggerating the facts.

Most school-aged children aged 6-7 years-old begin to understand some of the meanings of words such as truth, fact, honesty, and falsehood.

For infants and toddlers before the age of 5 years-old or school-age children after that, If parents did not train them for what “It is bad to lie” and “You should not lie”. Their children will continue to have the habit to lie. The habit may lead to puberty and adulthood.

It is here again to be reminded of the importance of parents’ responsibility for raising and training their children. It can be presumed that children and adults in some countries used to lie in their lives.

Classification of lies

Lies can be divided as followings

• Fantastic lies,

• Lies to imitate,

• Lies to exaggerate,

• Lies to make good,

• Lies to defend,

• Lies to draw attention,

• Lies to revenge,

• Lies to rebel,

• Morbid lies

Fantastic lie

 It is called a fantastic lie to tell fantastically the story without telling the truth as it is.

When there is no fun in everyday life,

when one’s own thoughts are different from those of others,

when he brings out a situation to his advantage,

when he wants to receive more love from his parents,

when he fantasizes about what is not real

and he makes a fantastic lie.

Some parents consider some times they can lie in a fantastic way, and It’s nothing wrong to lie like that, They don’t care about it even if lie is  a fantastic way, and they don’t educate their

children that they shouldn’t lie. This is wrong parental education.

When the meaning of fact and the meaning of fantasy cannot be clearly discerned, and when the meaning of these two words is confused, children will tell fantastic lies.

It is common to unconsciously tell fantastic lies in the minds of toddlers and early school-age children without any reason.

For example, toddlers and early school-age children often hear fantastic stories about ghosts, mountain gods, and tigers.

In addition, when the toddlers or preschool children, early school-age children play at school or at home as a role of a prince, a dog, a lion, or a deer.

Sometimes they pretend to eat wood chips and play with them.

In this way, they play by deliberately creating stories and actions that are very different from the facts.

In addition, parents who watch young children or early school-age children who make fantastic stories interestingly compliment them a lot.

While raising preschool children or early school-age children, they listen to and learn a lot without knowing about the fantastic lies, and sometimes makeup themselves.

It can be that telling fantastic lies is part of normal growth and development.

However, if they make up their words fantastically and lie a lot if the degree is severe, they are abnormal.

Teach them to tell the truth and tell them that when they say a lot of fantastic lies, facts and fantasy are different.

Find out whether they are lying by making up their words fantastically or simply by making up your face. Fantastic lies can sometimes be made to escape from uninteresting or unpleasant situations.

It can’t be argued that such behavior is wrong because it takes time to know the difference between the facts and the words made up.

Most of the first-year elementary school students can’t discern between facts and fantastic stories.

For example, when a father pretends to eat, saying, “I’m going to eat you because you’re sweet,” there are also toddlers who may think they are really eating themselves.

In this way, Parents teach toddlers who do not know the difference between facts and fantasy lies by comparing fantasy and facts.

When watching TV programs, such as fantastic cartoons, animals, or shows, teaches parents how to tell if the scenes are true or fantastic.

Whether the scene is not true or ask why it is not true, the hero is a true existence or creation, whether a person can fly in the air, what will happen if a dog is hit by a car, and so on. Listen and teach the difference between facts and fantastic stories.

Reads a book that has a real story and a fantastic story, and explains how to tell whether it is a real story or a fictional story. Buy age-appropriate books from the book store to differentiate between facts and fantastic stories.

2. Lies to imitate (imitate lies)

In fact, without telling other people, children can make it funny, and imitate it very differently.

In this case, it is called a lie to imitate.

Toddlers, preschool children, and early school-age children are not well developed and immature in their ability to judge self-righteousness and discernment, so they cannot clearly discern between real lies and jokes made.

In particular, they grow up by seeing, learning from their parent’s life, and they are imitating each and every action and word of their parents who truly love and raise them.

If parents pretend to lie in front of preschool children or early school-age children without telling the truth or lie in a fun way to exaggerate the facts, children can imitate well, and as a result, lie to imitate.

Parents themselves often make mistakes in this way in front of preschool children and children of early school age and live without knowing that they are making such mistakes.

It is common for children and adolescents raised in such homes to not clearly discern truth from falsehood.

3. Lies to exaggerate (exaggerate lies)

Some children and adolescents exaggerate and brag well.

Sometimes this kind of lie isn’t a serious problem, but you should never encourage them to lie to exaggerate.

When parents exaggerate or brag differently than the facts, the children and adolescents of such parents resemble their parents and exaggerate, makeup words, and lie.

It is common for adults to become angry when children and adolescents tell a little lie, but the adults do well in front of children and adolescents by telling lies that exaggerate the facts.

4. Lies in good faith (lies in good faith)

There are people who lie that if they don’t want to go to where they were invited, they say that they can’t go there because they have already received another invitation. Some people are good at telling lies of goodness like this.

Good lies are also one kind of lie.

However, if you often tell a good lie in front of your school-age or adolescent children, children can’t distinguish between speaking a truthful and good lie.

People who live with a lot of good lies sometimes also many other kinds of red real lies.

In today’s complex and turbulent society, children and adolescents do not understand the lives of parents who are constantly receiving various pressures, oppressions, and coercion, defeating them one by one, and living steadfastly.

So children and adolescents don’t know for sure why their parents tell such a good lie.

Children raised by parents who are telling good lies will learn to blame others for what they do not want to do or want to avoid, to let others do what they don’t want to do, or to blame others for their wrongdoing, or to avoid social pressure, they will do good lies as if they were eating daily meals.

Anyone who often and habitually tells good lies can be a really bad liar.

5. Lies to defend (defense lies)

Most of the children lie to defend themselves that it is not their fault to avoid being punished when they think they behave wrong and should be punished appropriately for their wrongdoing. It is said to be a lie to defend against such lies.

When they have to be held accountable for what they’ve done wrong, they can lie to defend that they are not responsible for it.

There are many things that children and adolescents should not do inside or outside the house, what they can do, and many rules to follow.

However, most of them don’t know all the rules to follow, what they shouldn’t do. They also don’t understand the meaning of the rules or restrictions their parents have made for them, and sometimes they forget about those rules or restrictions completely, and they can break them without obeying them even though they know they exist.

Nevertheless, many parents want their children and adolescents to behave 100% flawlessly and according to the rules or restrictions set by their parents.

And they know for themselves that children are breaking rules and restrictions set by their parents.

Many parents worry that their children will make even the smallest mistakes and want their children to do their own right.

Sometimes children don’t meet their parents’ expectations.

Sometimes it is necessary to make sure that children and adolescents do not obey and do not meet the expectations of their parents, and whether their children are immature and incapacitated and act contrary to their expectations.

Parents must clearly discern these two conditions so that their children will not lie.

If your young child has behaved inappropriately, the parent should ask him or her what motivated him or her to behave inappropriately.

Acknowledging wrongdoing can result in punishment for wrongdoing, and if you are not sure if the children did wrong, you cannot punish your children.

Some children in a similar situation can lie to avoid punishment.

Some children think about what’s wrong with lying to avoid being punished and misbehaving.

So they do wrong and they keep lying.

Some of the children are forced to make promises that are difficult to keep the promise to do so.

Also, children who do not know the meaning of the promise may be considered lying if they do not keep the promise after making the promise.

In fact, they didn’t try to keep their promise, but they lied because they didn’t keep the promise.

Their behavioral restrictions should be age-appropriate and don’t have too many rules in place.

It’s easy to lie if you clearly ignore or break rules or restrictions and ask your children why they did it.

As far as possible, you shouldn’t ask why.

When investigating the reason for breaking the rules, if children are confused, it is better not to investigate further and do not ask vague questions.

In such a situation, they can lie with the intent to escape.

In such a case, the punishment corresponding to the lying itself and the punishment corresponding to the behavior he committed should also be given.

There are also children who lie and immediately accept that they have done something wrong and then wright away they say that they have not done so wrong, and then they remain silent without giving any answers, and then they can lie again after the first lie, thinking that a lie will have negative consequences.

If you believe that they have lied for one or another reason, it is important not to ask questions about the reason for the lie, but to give no chance to talk.

Instead of blaming the child, pointing out false lies and punishing them for lying if necessary will prevent them from telling defensive lies again.

They can lie as a means of getting out of the way without being punished for wrongdoing.

When they are in a difficult situation, they can lie to get out of the situation.

Educate them that they should not be intimidated, deceived, or cheat while living.

Those who live honestly are educated that they are respected by others and that it is wrong and sin to bad behave or lie.

The discipline that it is much better to live honestly than to live with the guilt.

Parents must show complete honesty when dealing with their children.

In addition, the parent must be honest about anything between couples and show your children that they do so.

Parents teach that parent-child or marital relationships should be based on trust and honesty.

Parents teach that it is very important to live honestly so that parents and others can trust them.

6. Lies for retaliation (retribution lies)

They can steal, disobey, or lie to get revenge.

Some children lie to make their parents angry.

For example, when a parent asks “Where have you been?”, he knows for sure that there are rules for not going to the swimming pool without his parents’ permission, and knowing that parents will be angry if he goes to the swimming pool alone without his parents. He can lie, saying, “I went to the swimming pool.”

In this way, he can lie to retaliate.

By telling a lie for revenge, it shakes the heart of the parents and makes the parents angry.

In reality, parents can often see their children lying to retaliate.

This is especially seen in children who express their anger through passive-aggressive behavior.

They may lie to retaliate against parents who do not treat them fairly, hoping that their parents will treat them fairly, and they can lie revenge when brothers become jealous, and parents are more interested in other siblings. If parents take care of other child or love more, some children can lie to revenge on their parents.

7. Lies for praise or reward (praise or reward lie)

They can lie to get compliments or rewards from their parents.

Young children who grow up under their parents who want their children to do their best and who want them to be successful are often under considerable pressure from their parents without their knowledge.

Younger children usually do not meet their parents’ expectations. Nevertheless, they try to do their best to entertain parents and to achieve their responsibilities successfully.

They also evaluate whether they can achieve them.

And they set the direction they live in and want to go in that direction.

In this growth and development process, they can lie to their parents in order to rationalize their wrongdoing without their knowledge.

Young children who are immature and forced to do difficult things can lie.

They can also lie in front of their parents to show them what they did well.

8. Lies to rebel (rebellious lies)

They can lie in the face of being attacked for bad or as a means of rebelling against something.

When parents keep begging their children for something to do, parents learn that their child is lying when their parents replies, “I’m so busy I can’t accept your request.”

The child can lie just as their parents lie.

If a parent or family member keeps asking him for something to do, parents can upset children or them by refusing to respond rebelliously or refusing to do so, making negative excuses, giving false evidence, or lying.

9. Lies to get attention (attention lies)

Children who want more unconditional love and care from their parents can lie.

For example, if children know they haven’t done their math homework, they can lie to their parents that they have done their homework.

When children tell a lie, their parents know that children are lying, and parents know in advance that then they will be punished for the lie.

They can lie because they think it’s much better to pay attention to their parents.

10. Pathological lies (pathological lies)

Lies that are said to have no definite interest or reason for themselves are called pathological lies.

I sometimes see early adolescent children telling these pathological lies. Pathological lies can continue even after adulthood.

It is common to engage in acts such as stealing or running away from home.

Preventing lies and coping with lies

Parents shouldn’t even tell good lies that they don’t think will harm others.

Most young children cannot clearly discern between good and malicious lies.

That’s why children shouldn’t even learn to tell good lies from their parents.

While raising children, parents should base their dealings in front of children and adolescents based on trust and honesty.

Parents should educate children that lying is bad and wrong and that as a parent, their bad behavior which parents can’t just bear.

Teach your children that they should not lie without giving them the opportunity to lie.

As far as possible, avoid asking about the motives and reasons for lying.

Asking why the child did lie in addition to the lie, so it’s best not to ask about the motives and reasons for lying.

Of course, there are exceptions.

If parents know why their children lied, parents need to fix it as well.

Many people sometimes exaggerate facts to make lies and even tell good lies.

Even so, parents are very upset when their children and adolescents tell a little lie.

Most of the preschool 4 years old children are based on what their parents like and don’t like, they act and know that they do well if their parents seem to like their behavior, and if their parents don’t like what their children do, their parents think that their children’s behavior is bad. As already mentioned that it is normal.

preschool children who know that their mother will be upset if their mother knows that they have broken a precious vase,  sometimes tries to solve what they have done by lying that they did not break the vase even after breaking the vase because they did not want to upset her.

A preschool child with lots of chocolate on his face and hands can lie out loud and say I didn’t eat chocolate out of the bottle.

When a preschool child is taken to a zoo and parents cheat his infant’s age in order to admit their child for free admission, the preschool child knows exactly what the parents are lying about.

Sometimes the toddler can embarrass his parents by saying aloud to his dad, “I’m not 3 yeas-old, I’m 4 years old.”

If a dad who is speeding, ignoring a stop sign and violating a traffic violation falsely testifies to a traffic cop in front of his young children, they can learn to lie by seeing his dad lying.

Seeing a lying father and wondering why he would lie like that, sometimes the child can grow up and become the biggest liar in the world. So we must not let the children go into the cell.

How pitiful this is.

Sometimes, a big lie makes him to feel like he is sitting in a cell.

There are many good lies in order to gain face or not to damage other people’s feelings, but young children cannot clearly distinguish between a bad  lie and a good lie, so neither good lie nor unknowingly in front of young children.

It teaches the meaning of honesty, facts, and fakes.

From a preschool child, 2-4 years old, parents teach the difference between facts and non-facts (false) to the toddlers, preschool children according to their maturity.

There is not much knowledge in the minds of young children.

They see, hear, and record and store things in their minds that happen in the lives and society of their parents, brothers, and sisters, and they grow up.

Assuming that the dad is a monster, and playing with a little toddler child, that toddler can be surprised to know that dad really is a monster.

And they can doubt that dad is really a monster.

In this way, we can teach the difference between fact and fake, and whether dad really is a monster or whether a monster really exists in this world, etc., through such jokes, teaches the difference between fact and story.

There is a record similar to a video record in their children’s heads.

They keep in their minds everything they see and hear. After that, when parents play the record, what children see and hear comes back and they do what they see and hear.

It is not so wrong to say that most of the behavior shown to children comes from parents’ models and society.

Remember everything children and hear from parents who love you and respect you.

In addition, children and adolescents see, hear, learn, and remember each and every word and action of leaders who are fighting for superiority in society.

It is very important for parents to live honestly and set an example for children and adolescents.

However, parents can think of these words as if parents could say and hear them only in a dream.

It teaches that people who live honestly can always be winners.

Don’t be encouraged to lie.

Parents can do research to learn the motives and processes of their children’s wrongdoing or lying.

In the process of asking how children did wrong and why they lied, parents may encourage them to lie to them again.

When a parent saw a child standing with a broken cookie jar with cookie crumbs on his face, his mother said, “You went up there. and I told you not to take down the cookies, but you ate the cookies without my permission and broke the cookie jar?” When his mother asked, the child could answer “no” while looking at his mother with an innocent face.

The child ate a cookie and broke the cookie jar, but he did lie again at the mother’s question.

He made double trouble.

In the process of finding out the motives for doing the wrong thing in this way, by addressing the wrongdoings and lies while asking more about the obvious wrongdoings already, even an honest child can lie more.

The child who was told to lie that “my friend had a horse and rode it” Mother corrected her, saying, “The child’s friend did not ride a horse, but a donkey and your friend did not own a horse.”

As in this example, children have a tendency to show off, and they tend to lie in exaggeration. Teach them to speak honestly at such an opportunity, not to exaggerate, to speak honestly.

The children can choose to lie because they’re worried about punishment for being honest about their wrongdoing. As there is a saying, “If you lie, there will be nothing more to lose”, if you act badly and tell your parents that you did not lie, you will not get punished, and even if you do something bad, you may just pass by. For this reason, they will be lied to, so be careful.

Do not be sure to ask questions or ask the child for the wrong behavior and why you are wrong. “I’m really upset about what you did wrong,” parents say sternly, “I’ll punish you for breaking the cookie jar when you go there.”

When your child lies to deny that he didn’t do something wrong, you should ignore the word and focus on the first thing he did wrong.

If the parents don’t know exactly how he has not done it wrong, but his parents believe that the child was definitely wrong, don’t ask about the motives and process that made him wrong, but say positively that you did this in my opinion.

Emphasize whether the parents believe someone else did it and he or she didn’t when the child lied that “you didn’t break the vase.” Lies and wrongdoings treat both faults together and punish each fault.

Explain that “if your child does something wrong, you don’t get upset if your child says the truth.”

Explain, “If you lie again, it is wrong because you lie twice.”

What parents say to their younger children must be put into action.

The parents shouldn’t be punished severely for lying.

If the parents punish a young child too often, he can lie again to avoid punishment if he or she does something wrong.

 You must punish for wrongdoing and punish for lying.

In addition to punishing for wrongdoing, if children lie for wrongdoing and add a lie to that lie, you must also punish them for the second lie. In other words, you must be punished with triple punishment.

Punishment for eating cookies out of a cookie jar without permission.

The next day, his parent does not give cookies, and for lying to his mother that he “did not eat cookies,” he is punished so that he cannot eat cookies for next two days by not giving them the next day.

In this case, punishment for about 1 week is severe depending on the age and the degree of lying and wrongdoing.

If you go to another house instead of going to a friend’s house after school, it is appropriate to be punished for two days after school.

It is recommended that the amount of punishment for lying is approximately equal to the amount of punishment for going to another home without permission.

Train your little ones to misbehave and lie in this way, and they’ll be honest when they’re doing bad things and lying.

If your child lies to a lie, the parents will be punished double the amount, and if the child does not lie to you anymore, you will be punished only half, and he will be honest and not lie.

Furthermore, he will grow up to become an adult who lives honestly and proudly.

He won’t be sitting in a prison cell for years.

It is important to punish the lie itself, but it is also important to teach him to tell the truth honestly that he lied.

Train by emphasizing the vital importance of acting and speaking truthfully and honestly in life.

When a young child behaves honestly, praise it immediately.

Teaching not to lie in this way and training to live honestly may seem simple, but it is the most difficult aspect of raising children.

If your child breaks a bottle while eating a snack and apologizes for it, praise him as a good child who honestly apologizes for his wrongdoing.

And you should only punish the bottle of cracked cookies.

Make a notebook that records your child’s honest words and actions every day, and write down the honest words and actions that day.

Review the notebook that day and praise him for what he did well.

You can also tell and praise others for your child’s honest behavior in front of them.

 It is a good education for older school-age children to be honest and to write down in their notebooks that they have done a good job every week and to be seen and reviewed by their parents every week.

Being honest and truthful can give you privileges, rewards, and sometimes unexpected gifts.

When giving privileges or rewards for honest words and actions, give him to the extent that common sense makes sense.

If he tells his parents the truth about what he has been to a place without permission, even before it’s belatedly revealed, compliment him for telling him.

In the future, “I can give you the privilege of saying that he shouldn’t go anywhere without his parents’ permission, and since parents can trust you, next time you can go to another suitable place”.

If your child goes somewhere and comes on time, parents can give him the privilege to go again, and in this way, parents can gradually increase the privilege one by one according to the pace of growth.

Voluntarily apologizing for the wrongdoing after a child’s wrongdoing and before the parents are aware of the wrongdoing can result in less punishment than usual. However, training in this way can sometimes manipulate parents, so be careful.

If the children have lied in the past, but then act honestly and speak truthfully, it is worth rewarding and praising it.

And parents have to train them to keep speaking honestly and doing things right.

If this is the first time your child has forgotten an English book at school, you should honestly say thank you, and in return, help your child to figure out and find a way to find the book with their child, and not punish him for first misbehaving.

If the child speaks and acts honestly, it is appropriate to gradually increase your praise and privileges as his age.

Training in honesty, and the truth is adjusted according to the pace of growth.

If your child takes a lie seriously and repeats it, you should seek professional help.

If adolescent children 10 to 11 years old of age or older are seriously lying or have emotional problems with them, they should seek professional advice.

Some young children cannot discern between facts and fantasies, while some preschool

children and school-aged children can discern between facts and illusions, but they cannot regret that the lie is wrong after they lie.

Some children are lying maliciously when they know they are lying.

These lies are dangerous lies and require expert help.

 

자녀  아이들에게 거짓말을 하지 않도록 훈련 시키세요

자녀 아이들에게 거짓말을 하지 않도록 훈련시키십시오
거짓말이 정말 나쁜 걸까요?
거짓말을 하지않고 살 수 있을까?
거짓말을 많이 하는 사람은 거짓말을 많이 하지 않는 사람보다 도덕적으로나 윤리적으로 조금 더 나은가요?
자로 거짓말의 정도를 측정하거나 저울로 무게를 달아 거짓말의 심각성을 판단할 수 있습니까?
기원전 4세기 그리스의 디오게네스는 정직한 사람을 찾기 위해 평생 동안 대낮에 등불을  키고 찾아 보았으나 진정으로 정직한 사람은 한 명도 찾지 못했습니다.
성 소크라테스는 젊은이들에게 진실하게 사는 법을 가르친 ‘죄’로 인해 사형장에서 사라졌습니다. 정직은 그 시대의 어린이들과 청소년들에게 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. (출처: Leo Busgaglio의 서로 사랑하십시오. p.75).
1969년 US Times 연구에 따르면 미국인 10명 중 6명은 필요할 때 거짓말을 할 수 있다고 말했습니다.
그렇다면 우리 부모들은 자녀의 거짓말을 어떻게 볼까?
우리의 삶이 정직을 바탕으로 이루어져야 한다는 점에는 누구나 동의할 것입니다.
우리는 자녀들에게 정직하게 살도록 가르쳐야 하며, 정직하게 살도록 훈련시켜야 합니다.
거짓말이란 무엇입니까?
남을 속이려고 하는 말을 거짓말이라고 합니다.

거짓과 참말을 분별하는 나이
4세 이전의 대부분의 영유아는 대개 부모가 자신의 행동이나 말을 얼마나 좋아하고 싫어하는지에 따라 행동하고 말합니다.
4세 미만의 영유아는 자신이 옳은 일을 하지 않았더라도 어머니나 아버지가 자신의 말이나 행동을 좋아하고 인정해 주면 올바르게 행동하거나 말하는 것으로 간주합니다.
또한 어머니나 아버지가 자신의 말과 행동을 좋아하지 않고 인정하지 않는다면, 비록 옳은 행동을 하고 옳은 말을 했다고 하더라도 자신의 말과 행동이 옳지 않다고 생각할 수도 있습니다.
이처럼 자신의 말과 행동에 만족하는지 여부에 따라 부모를 대신해 말하고 행동하는 경우가 많다.
대부분의 아이들은 초등학교에 입학하기 직전부터 ‘참’이 무엇을 의미하는지, ‘거짓’이 무엇을 의미하는지, ‘참’과 ‘거짓말’이 무엇을 의미하는지 명확하게 분별하기 시작합니다.
이 때문에 5세 이후 대부분의 아이들은 거짓말을 잘 하지 않는 경우가 많습니다.
6세 학령기 아동의 18.2%는 허구와 사실이 다르다는 것을 알고 있습니다.
9세 학령기 아동의 대부분은 허구와 사실을 구분하는 능력을 가지고 있습니다.
학령기 아이들은 사실과 거짓 사이에 차이가 있다는 것을 깨닫기 시작하면서 거짓말의 의미도 이해하기 시작합니다.
대부분의 7세 학령기 아동은 거짓말에 대해 죄책감을 느낄 수 있습니다. 그리고 거짓말을 했기 때문에 벌을 받을까 봐 걱정하고, 거짓말을 했기 때문에 죄를 지었다고 생각합니다. 그들은 또한 하나님께서 자신들을 벌하실까 봐 걱정하고 때로는 하나님께 용서를 구하기도 합니다.
10~11세 초기 청소년기 아이들 대부분은 정직하게 사는 것이 매우 중요하다고 생각합니다. 그들은 거짓말이 나쁘다는 것을 인식하기 시작합니다.
3세 이전의 대부분의 유아들은 크고 작다, 많고 적다, 차갑다, 뜨겁다 등 반대말의 의미를 정확하게 이해하지 못합니다.
또한, 정직함과 거짓의 의미를 정확하게 분별하지 못하는 경우가 많습니다.
3세 이전의 영유아는 자신이 사용하는 단어의 의미를 모르고 말하는 경우가 더 많습니다.
그렇기 때문에 그들은 자신이 거짓말을 하고 있는지, 진실을 말하고 있는지 모르고 말을 멈추는 경우가 많습니다.
때로는 자신도 모르게 환상적으로 말을 지어내기도 하고, 사실을 과장하여 거짓말을 지어내기도 합니다.
대부분의 6~7세 학령기 아동은 진실, 사실, 정직, 거짓과 같은 단어의 의미를 일부 이해하기 시작합니다.
5세 이전의 영유아나 그 이후의 학령기 아동의 경우, “거짓말하는 것은 나쁘다”, “거짓말을 하면 안 된다”를 부모가 교육하지 않았다면. 그들의 아이들은 거짓말하는 습관을 계속 갖게 될 것입니다. 이 습관은 사춘기와 성인기로 이어질 수 있습니다.
자녀를 양육하고 훈련하는 데 있어 부모의 책임이 얼마나 중요한지 다시 한 번 상기시켜 드리는 자리입니다. 일부 국가의 어린이와 성인은 자신의 삶에 거짓말을 했다고 추정할 수 있습니다.

거짓말의 분류
거짓말은 다음과 같이 나눌 수 있습니다.
환상적인 거짓말,
흉내내려고 거짓말을 하고,
과장해서 거짓말을 하고,
좋은 결과를 얻기 위해 거짓말을 하고,
방어하기 위해 거짓말을 하고,
관심을 끌기 위해 거짓말을 하고,
복수를 위해 거짓말을 하고,
반란을 일으키기 위해 거짓말을 하고,
병적인 거짓말

환상적인 거짓말
사실을 있는 그대로 말하지 않고 환상적으로 이야기를 하는 것을 환상적 거짓말이라고 합니다.
일상생활에 재미가 없을 때,
자신의 생각이 남의 생각과 다를 때,
그 사람이 상황을 자신에게 유리하게 이끌어낼 때,
부모님의 사랑을 더 받고 싶을 때,
그가 현실이 아닌 것에 대해 환상을 가질 때
그리고 그는 환상적인 거짓말을 합니다.
어떤 부모들은 가끔은 멋진 거짓말을 할 수 있다고 생각하고, 그런 거짓말을 해도 괜찮다고 생각하고, 거짓말이 아무리 멋진 방법이라 해도 개의치 않고, 자녀를 교육하지도 않습니다.
거짓말을 하면 안 된다는 아이들. 이건 잘못된 부모교육입니다.

환상적인 거짓말
사실을 있는 그대로 말하지 않고 환상적으로 이야기를 하는 것을 환상적 거짓말이라고 합니다.
일상생활에 재미가 없을 때,
자신의 생각이 남의 생각과 다를 때,
그 사람이 상황을 자신에게 유리하게 이끌어낼 때,
부모님의 사랑을 더 받고 싶을 때,
그가 현실이 아닌 것에 대해 환상을 가질 때
그리고 그는 환상적인 거짓말을 합니다.
어떤 부모들은 어떤 때는 환상적인 방법으로 거짓말을 할 수 있다고 생각하고, 그런 거짓말을 하는 것은 잘못된 것이 아니며, 거짓말이 환상적인 방법이라 할지라도 개의치 않고, 자녀를 교육하지도 않습니다.

환상적 거짓말을 해도 된다고 키우는 건 잘못된 부모교육입니다.
사실의 의미와 환상의 의미를 명확히 구분할 수 없을 때, 이 두 단어의 의미가 혼동될 때 아이들은 환상적인 거짓말을 하게 됩니다.
이유 없이 유아나 초등학생의 마음속에는 무의식적으로 환상적인 거짓말을 하는 것이 일반적입니다.
예를 들어, 유아와 초등학생들은 귀신, 산신, 호랑이에 관한 환상적인 이야기를 자주 듣습니다.
또한, 유아나 미취학 아동의 경우, 취학 전 아동은 학교나 집에서 왕자, 개, 사자, 사슴의 역할을 맡아 놀아요.
때로는 나무조각을 먹는 흉내를 내며 가지고 놀기도 합니다.
이런 식으로 그들은 의도적으로 사실과 매우 다른 이야기와 행동을 만들어내며 플레이합니다.
또한, 환상적인 이야기를 만들어내는 어린 아이나 초등학생을 흥미롭게 지켜보는 부모들은 칭찬을 많이 합니다.
미취학 아동이나 초등학생을 키우면서 환상적인 거짓말을 모르고도 많은 것을 듣고 배우며 때로는 스스로 화장을 하기도 합니다.
환상적인 거짓말을 하는 것은 정상적인 성장과 발달의 일부일 수 있습니다.
그러나 환상적으로 말을 꾸미고, 거짓말을 많이 하고, 정도가 심할 경우 비정상입니다.
진실을 말하도록 가르치고, 환상적인 거짓말을 많이 하면 사실과 환상이 다르다는 점을 알려주세요.
환상적으로 말을 꾸며서 거짓말을 하는지, 아니면 단순히 얼굴을 꾸며서 거짓말을 하는지 알아보세요. 때로는 흥미롭지 않거나 불쾌한 상황에서 벗어나기 위해 환상적인 거짓말을 할 수도 있습니다.
사실과 꾸며낸 말의 차이를 아는 데는 시간이 걸리기 때문에 그러한 행동이 잘못되었다고 주장할 수는 없습니다.
대부분의 초등학교 1학년 학생들은 사실과 환상적인 이야기를 구분하지 못합니다.
예를 들어, 아빠가 “네가 귀엽기 때문에 먹을거야”라고 하면서 먹는 척을 하면, 자신이 정말 자기가 먹고 있다고 생각하는 유아도 있을 수 있습니다.
이런 식으로 부모는 환상과 사실을 비교함으로써 사실과 환상 거짓말의 차이를 모르는 유아에게 가르칩니다.
환상적인 만화, 동물, 쇼와 같은 TV 프로그램을 시청할 때 장면이 사실인지 환상적인지 구분하는 방법을 부모에게 가르칩니다.
그 장면이 사실이 아닌지, 왜 사실이 아닌지 묻는다면, 주인공은 진짜 존재이거나 창조물이고, 사람이 공중을 날 수 있는지, 개가 차에 치이면 어떻게 되는지 등등. 사실과 환상적인 이야기의 차이를 듣고 가르칩니다.
실제 이야기와 환상적인 이야기가 담긴 책을 읽고, 그것이 실제 이야기인지 허구 이야기인지 구별하는 방법을 설명합니다. 사실과 환상적인 이야기를 구별하려면 서점에서 연령에 맞는 책을 구입하세요.

흉내낼 거짓말 (거짓말을 흉내낸다)

사실, 다른 사람에게 말하지 않고도 아이들은 그것을 재미있게 만들고 매우 다르게 흉내낼 수 있습니다.
이런 경우에는 흉내내는 것을 거짓말이라고 합니다.
유아, 미취학 아동, 취학 전 아동은 독선과 분별력을 판단하는 능력이 잘 발달되지 않고 미성숙하여 진짜 거짓말과 농담을 명확히 분별하지 못합니다.
특히 부모님의 삶을 보고 배우며 성장하며, 자신을 진심으로 사랑하고 키워주시는 부모님의 행동과 말 한마디를 닮아가고 있습니다.
부모가 미취학 아동이나 초등학생 앞에서 진실을 말하지 않은 채 거짓말을 하거나, 사실을 과장하기 위해 재미있는 거짓말을 하면 아이들은 모방을 잘하게 되고, 결과적으로는 모방하려고 거짓말을 하게 됩니다.
부모 자신도 미취학 아동이나 초등학생 앞에서 이런 실수를 저지르고 자신도 그런 실수를 하고 있다는 사실을 모르고 살아가는 경우가 많습니다.
그러한 가정에서 자란 어린이와 청소년이 진실과 거짓을 명확하게 분별하지 못하는 것은 흔한 일입니다.

과장하다 거짓 말을 한다(거짓말을 과장하다)
일부 어린이와 청소년은 과장하고 자랑하는 경우가 많습니다.
때로는 이런 종류의 거짓말이 심각한 문제가 아닐 수도 있지만, 과장해서 거짓말을 하도록 유도해서는 절대 안 됩니다.
부모가 사실과 다르게 과장하거나 자랑하면 그 부모의 자녀, 청소년은 그 부모를 닮아 과장하고 말을 꾸미고 거짓말을 하게 됩니다.
어른들은 어린이, 청소년이 약간의 거짓말을 하면 화를 내는 일이 흔하지만, 사실을 과장한 거짓말을 하는 어른들은 어린이, 청소년 앞에서는 잘합니다.

선의로 거짓말을 하다 (선의로 거짓말을 하다)
초대받은 곳에 가고 싶지 않으면 이미 다른 초대를 받았기 때문에 갈 수 없다고 거짓말을 하는 사람들이 있습니다. 어떤 사람들은 이렇게 좋은 거짓말을 잘 합니다.
좋은 거짓말도 거짓말의 한 종류이다.
그러나 학령기나 사춘기 자녀 앞에서 선한 거짓말을 자주 하면 아이들은 진실한 거짓말과 선한 거짓말을 구별하지 못합니다.
좋은 거짓말을 많이 하며 사는 사람들은 때로는 다른 종류의 빨간 진짜 거짓말도 많이 합니다.
오늘날의 복잡하고 격동적인 사회에서 어린이와 청소년들은 끊임없이 다양한 압력과 탄압, 강압을 받고 이를 하나씩 이겨내고 씩씩하게 살아가는 부모의 삶을 이해하지 못합니다.
그래서 어린이와 청소년은 부모가 왜 그렇게 좋은 거짓말을 하는지 확실히 알지 못합니다.
선한 거짓말을 하는 부모 밑에서 자란 아이들은 자신이 하기 싫거나 피하고 싶은 일을 남 탓으로 돌리는 법, 자신이 하고 싶지 않은 일을 남이 하도록 내버려 두는 법, 자신의 잘못에 대해 남을 비난하는 법, 사회적 압력을 피하면 마치 매일 식사를 하는 것처럼 선한 거짓말을 할 것입니다.
좋은 거짓말을 자주 습관적으로 하는 사람은 정말 나쁜 거짓말쟁이일 수 있습니다.

방어하기 위한 거짓말 (방어 거짓말)
대부분의 아이들은 자신이 잘못했다고 생각할 때 처벌을 피하는 것은 자신의 잘못이 아니며 자신의 잘못에 대해 적절한 처벌을 받아야 한다고 자신을 변호하기 위해 거짓말을 합니다. 그런 거짓말을 방어하기 위해 거짓말을 한다고 합니다.
자신이 잘못한 일에 대해 책임을 져야 할 때, 그들은 책임이 없다고 변호하기 위해 거짓말을 할 수 있습니다.
어린이와 청소년이 집 안팎에서 해서는 안 되는 일, 할 수 있는 일, 지켜야 할 규칙이 많습니다.
그러나 그들 대부분은 따라야 할 모든 규칙, 하지 말아야 할 것이 무엇인지 알지 못합니다. 그들은 또한 부모가 그들에게 정해 준 규칙이나 제한의 의미를 이해하지 못하고 때로는 그 규칙이나 제한을 완전히 잊어버리고, 그것이 존재한다는 것을 알면서도 순종하지 않고 그것을 깨뜨릴 수 있습니다.
그럼에도 불구하고 많은 부모들은 자녀와 청소년이 부모가 정한 규칙이나 제한 사항에 따라 100% 완벽하게 행동하기를 원합니다.
그리고 그들은 아이들이 부모가 정한 규칙과 제한을 어기고 있다는 것을 스스로 알고 있습니다.
많은 부모들은 자녀가 아주 작은 실수라도 저지를까 봐 걱정하고 자녀가 스스로 옳은 일을 하기를 바랍니다.
때때로 아이들은 부모의 기대에 부응하지 못합니다.
때로는 어린이와 청소년이 부모의 기대에 순종하지 않고, 기대에 부응하지 못하는지, 자녀가 미성숙하고 무능력하며 부모의 기대에 어긋나는 행동을 하는지 확인하는 것이 필요하다.
자녀가 거짓말을 하지 않도록 부모는 이 두 가지 조건을 분명히 분별해야 합니다.
어린 자녀가 부적절하게 행동했다면, 부모는 자녀에게 부적절하게 행동하게 된 동기가 무엇인지 물어봐야 합니다.
잘못을 인정하면 잘못에 대한 처벌을 받을 수 있고, 자녀가 잘못했는지 확신할 수 없으면 자녀를 처벌할 수 없습니다.
비슷한 상황에 처한 일부 어린이는 처벌을 피하기 위해 거짓말을 할 수 있습니다.
어떤 아이들은 벌을 받고 나쁜 행동을 하지 않기 위해 거짓말을 하는 것이 왜 나쁜지 생각합니다.
그래서 그들은 잘못을 저지르고 계속 거짓말을 합니다.
어떤 아이들은 약속을 지키기 어려운 약속을 강요당하기도 합니다.
또한, 약속의 의미를 모르는 아이가 약속을 하고도 지키지 않으면 거짓말을 하는 것으로 간주될 수 있습니다.
사실 그들은 약속을 지키려고 노력한 것이 아니라, 약속을 지키지 않았기 때문에 거짓말을 한 것입니다.
행동 제한은 연령에 적합해야 하며 너무 많은 규칙을 적용해서는 안 됩니다.
규칙이나 제한을 명백히 무시하거나 어기고 자녀에게 왜 그런 짓을 했는지 묻는다면 거짓말을 하기 쉽습니다.
가능한 한 이유를 묻지 마십시오.
규칙을 어긴 이유를 조사할 때 아이들이 헷갈린다면 더 이상 조사하지 말고 막연한 질문도 하지 않는 것이 좋 습니다.
그러한 상황에서는 탈출하려는 의도로 거짓말을 할 수 있습니다.
이런 경우에는 거짓말 그 자체에 상응하는 처벌과 그가 저지른 행위에 상응하는 처벌도 주어야 합니다.
또한 거짓말을 하고 자신이 잘못한 일을 즉각 인정하고는 옳지 않다고 말하는 아이들도 있습니다.